Waiting in the check out I found myself checking out the items the young woman in front of me had.
Right away I have to admit that I was a little jealous and wished I had the same items in mine.
She was young, dressed nicely but not too much. I’m guessing by the time she might be a school teacher. She was married with two very large yet beautiful rings on her finger.
Her face kind yet poised.
I watched as one by one she stacked her items carefully, neatly:
A book ( I overheard her tell the cashier that her best friend wrote it and she was very excited).
A pregnancy test.
Now there could have been ice cream but that could have been just me hoping there would be some in the mix.
I found myself happy for her; excited even. I knew the kind of night she would have.
I am so thankful for God and all of His love and grace.
I am thankful He placed my husband and I together. And that our love stands the tests of time.
I am thankful for our boys and that He entrusted them to us.
I am thankful for a roof over our heads, clothes on our back, and food on our table.
I am so thankful for family and friends who we love and who love and help us.
I am thankful for living in this country and that I am aware of others who are suffering far worse than I am.
Short and Stout
Is how you stood.
Long and Lanky
Is how you stand.
Baby, when do you grow?
Is it when the sun meets the moon,
when stars blink at night?
Or is it with every passing cloud?
Baby, when did you grow?
Was it inch by inch,
stretching out with each jump?
Or was it with each fleeting glimpse, each shiny smile?
I have noticed recently how tall Sebastian has gotten. I am not sure when but it happened. He looked so out of place in the baby swings yesterday. I called him spider legs.
I feel change in every breath of the wind.
God is placing some big things on my heart that I will share once I figure them all out.
The boys are going through many changes and we are struggling with each other. We will get through it though.
I find myself craving, needing space. A time of quiet. A time of solitude.
Lately my soul has felt heavy, overwhelmed. My spirit sometimes wants to jump. Jump out of the chaos, the hurt, the mainstream. It’s hard being a two sided mirror.
It’s hard wanting to live a life, provide a life for your family when you can’t afford to.
Before having kids my husband and I were on the same page when it came to raising our children. What we wanted them to play with – no plastic battery operated toys, no brands: Disney, nick jr. Etc. We wanted them outdoors, using nature and their imaginations.
Well somewhere in the business of life and marketing schemes we fell victim. Or rather our children did.
Our eldest looks for the on button.
The baby chews on all the toys, plastic toys which do not announce on the packaging that it is BPA free, lead free, etc.
Our pantry again is full of not awful foods but not necessarily the best, wholesome foods.
So, I have started purging. We are getting rid of all of the plastic, unimaginative toys.
Making life simple.
The house and our lives less chaotic.
There will be books, wooden blocks, wooden cars, puzzles, play scarves, river stones, sticks and such that they can play with.
I wrote on Ethan’s first birthday invitation not to buy him anything but if the individual felt the need to I gave them sites to buy from. Some may say that it is rude but why buy something that I am just going to turn around and get rid of?
Life is tough.
Days are lonely.
But these two bring me such joy!
I am behind.
It has been awhile.
There have been many struggles.
But the past is behind me, behind us.
Boundaries are going up, they must.
I am Stronger, healthy.
I will be who I have always wanted to be….no.
Who I already am, she’s just hiding down at her core.
I will raise my children as I have always dreamed.
And will not let people tell me otherwise, will not allow critics to criticize.