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That much less

January 14, 2010

I am at the bottom

drowning in a sea of fears masked by tears.

My boys are grabbing me by the hands helping me up,

breathing into me air.

I’m emotionally spent.

Tired of trying

Tired of dying

My heart was more then lent.

I no longer have it in me to try…

WHY?

I don’t want to look

BECAUSE

that means he’s looking that much less.

I don’t want to touch

BECAUSE

that means he’s touching me that much less.

I don’t want to say I love you

BECAUSE

that means he’s saying them that much less.

I don’t want to talk

BECAUSE

that means he will talk that much less.

I don’t want to even think of him

BECAUSE

that means he’s thinking of me that much less.

::::::::::::::::SIDEBAR::::::::::::::::

Samson – Regina Spektor

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go, I have to go
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
He ate a slice of wonder bread and went right back to bed
And history books forgot about us and the bible didn’t mention us
And the bible didn’t mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the stars came fallin’ on our heads
But they’re just old light, they’re just old light
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson came to my bed
Told me that my hair was red
Told me I was beautiful and came into my bed
Oh I cut his hair myself one night
A pair of dull scissors in the yellow light
And he told me that I’d done alright
And kissed me ’til the mornin’ light, the mornin’ light
And he kissed me ’til the mornin’ light

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
Ate a slice of wonderbread and went right back to bed
Oh, we couldn’t bring the columns down
Yeah we couldn’t destroy a single one
And history books forgot about us
And the bible didn’t mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first

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