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Ponderings

January 16, 2010

::::::::::::::::::blessings:::::::::::::::::::::

It’s warm, at least the sun is the gabillion miles away that it is. The wind definetly has a bite to it.

E is covered in the bundle me, finally asleep.

The snow that S is tossing around is sparkling and melting before our eyes.

This is the first winter that S can really enjoy winter and it’s fascinating watching his curiosity and imagination grow.

My fears arise more now with two kids as I listen to the traffic, the horses and the wind howling around me.

I need to leave these in Jesus’ hands and at God’s feet.
Fears for my marriage, my boys’ safety,my own health and friendships.
I find myself slightly angry at Him right now. Maybe anger is not the word but I don’t understand how I can pray gor my husband and my marriage and for sleep and my prayers always seen unheard.

I know I’m missing the mark here and God is teaching me of something larger but I’m in so much anguish and turmoil. So weary.

And I know that my problems see
extremly miniscule compared to what’s happening in Haiti or hunger and such but He gave me my soul mate, the man I have loved through thick and thin even though I shouldn’t have.

I need to get back into the Word. I need to find myself, make myself whole again.

I’m not happy with who I am right now.

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