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Some questions anwsered

March 24, 2010

I have finally figured out what has been happening mentally since Ethan was born.

I have been in such a mental and spiritual funk and wasn’t sure why or what was happening.

Since being saved and becoming a mother I have been trying to be someone I’m not. I am a Christian and I am a Mother. But

I am not the In a bubble Christian, I am not the perfect housewife mother. I have not left my faith but I have waivered a bit – God knows all about it. Which is the best part. He has allowed me to walk away a bit to discover all of this on my own.

I have not been happy. And that is because I was unintentionally being a stranger to myself.

I have had many clues along the way but the biggest has been my reaction to my older son once the baby was born. I turned ugly and hated myself for it. It still isn’t perfect but I am working on it. He is showing me the way, sending resources so that I trip over them(sometimes quite literally).

So here it is…who I AM….

I am a Christian, a wife, a mother, a daughter, I Am a barefoot, treehugging, dready missing, antique loving, crunchy, unschool hoping, coffee loving, photography living, dreamer, snake fearing, moss loving, writer, reader, veggie lover, craft craving woman.

I am a Christian hippie if you will. I am more liberal than conservative.

See forever I have been told that the two don’t mix. But they so totally do! More so than not actually. And since I fed into the non mixing garbage I lost myself. And because of that my marriage has suffered and my children have not known the real Mama…friendships have been lost but I made some new ones.

Now in this journey of mine I need to get comfortable with this new discovery. And be a better mom.

God is still with me and Jesus is still holding my hand- even though I’m taking a “break” in a way. But the three of us have deep heart to hearts all day long. They’re on my side cheering me on. They have big things planned for me…I just need to find me first!

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