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July 16, 2010

The view from my kitchen sink yesterday morning:


nighttime self lovin.

June 24, 2010

The evenings have been EXTREMELY stressful lately. Chris is hardly home until we are all in bed- Ethan has difficulty falling asleep and screams(some nights can take up to 1 1/2 hours) – Sebastian has been suddenly procrastinating bedtime as well.
It leaves me frazzled and ready for bed knowing they will wake me up often before 6…and through the night.

So you can imagine my NEED for unwinding.

I love to lay on my back when I get into bed since I have been on my feet most of the day.

I take a bunch of DEEP breaths.

With each breath I breathe in a “goal” and breathe out a quality I don’t want.

Breathe in love, breathe out hate.

Breathe in patience, breathe out anxiety.


Then I make my self present. Get to know and acknowledge my body.

I start at my toes.

Telling myself to feel my toes relaxing.

When I can feel them relax, I pay attention and can feel it moving into my foot, ankles, legs,and so forth.

It’s easy fir my mind to wander but when I notice I gently bring myself back.

Sometimes I fall asleep before I finish.

Sometimes I finish and keep thinking about who I want to be, what changes I’m going through.

Other times, I roll over and fall fast asleep.

It’s so important to pay attention to what’s happening with your body and where your mind wants to be.
It’s even more important when your a mother with everyone elses needs coming first.

What do you do to unwind and relax?

Rope Swing and BBQs

June 6, 2010

I have a video I want to share, but it won’t load…please come back later when I can get it loaded….

Yesterday afternoon my husband got out his climbing gear…climbed one of the trees lining our driveway and then hooked up Sebastian and the other kids that on this property to a harness and we swung them into the dinner hours.  Then we gathered on the patio for a mini BBQ.  It was awesome and connected and the kids had a blast.

The kids ended the evening catching and chasing fireflies and one last swing on the tree.




Friday, the wee ones and I went for a walk around the farm and went to the field where we used to run around and fly kites in between the horses and corn.  It hasn’t been mowed but that didn’t stop Sebastian from picking wildflowers and chasing butterflies and other bugs.

Remember how Ethan likes to hold hands?  He discovered Buzz’s hand yesterday…

What are you doing this lovely weekend?

a long time

June 2, 2010

The Man Tree

Hellllloooooooo world!

I have been away from this space for FAR.TOO.LONG.

It has just been so hard with the baby and figuring out what to do about Sebastian.

I took the boys on their first vacation to Williamsburg.  It was great and S sort of GOT it.

At the VA zoo

Ethan Spit up down my shirt.AS.I.Took.Pitcture

Water Fun

There have been some deep SOUL searching going on in my MIND.BODY.

When I only had one child, I would hear other mothers talk about losing themselves.  I didn’t get it.  I was a mom and still knew myself.  AND then Ethan was born.


I had in fact lost myself at some point with only Sebastian.  BUT now I realize I need to be the AUTHENTIC me.  Not only for MYSELF but also for





I also have come to the bitter realization of just how LONELY I am.

I have friends…that I see every few months.  But there is a DISCONNECT with the area that I live in and my soul.

I want to MOVE ON.  But financially, and logically right now we cannot.


We took Sebastian ROCK Climbing for the first time…He liked it but I think it was overwhelming for him.

Ethan is beginning to move from infancy into older baby = one sad mama.  I am taking it all in because it will be awhile before we have another.


On my way into town this morning I was loving the sun hitting the trees and the misty air from the humidity….GORGEOUS!

Did I mention I am loving summer this year….I have never liked the extreme heat/humidity but for some reason this year my body is craving it 😉

I am off to find a skirt….

What are you loving this summer?

Knick knack

April 20, 2010

Looking at this photo one would not know of all the confusion, pain, and anger this little girl is in. She appears happy enough to be eating cake at a birthday party.

BUT all the aweful stuff happening at home doesn’t stop her from smiling…from enjoying her time away from the nightmaric chaos at home.

Her ability to smile here shapes her future…allows her to smile through all future pain. Allows her to push through roadblocks to get done what really needs to be done. It also helps hide who she really is and makes it harder for her to find herself in the future…but she will. She will struggle to stay who she really us and to nit hide again. BUT she will.

Ethan had his first playdate with his second cousin last week. He is 2 months older than Ethan. AND it was adorable…Sebastian…well he was the baby whisperer that afternoon.

This makes me smile everyday. Ethan won’t eat because he just wants to gaze up at his big brother.

We ate in this adorable town. I drove out there for a raw cafe but it was shut down 😦

Sunday morning Sebastian fell and hit the coffee table. He busted his lip open and needed two stitches. He was a champ, so brave. I can imagine just how terrifying it must have been. He hasn’t allowed me to take a picture but here he is in the papoose.

Did I mention that yesterday we had no struggles!!! It was a great day…he was good and didn’t fight me at all…wahooo!!! Now if I could get Ethan to sleep and not wake up all night…

Here’s hoping for another good day…cheers!

Sebastian Says

April 16, 2010

Eat your greens!

Raptor Trust

April 15, 2010

The other day, my mother and I brought the boys to the Raptor Trust ( It’s located within the Great Swamp. Sebastian had a blast. He loved seeing the owls and hawks.

They are amazing birds to see up close. I was mesmorized by the bald eagle. I could have watched them for hours. Truly beauty at it’s finest.

Sebastian wants to go back again and again.

I learned that ravens do not sound the same as crows.

There were a few free vultures flying around(probably hoping to score some of the dead mice). Sebastian spotted them: ” hi. Come down from there. Get down he lives in there!”.

On another note…Ethan is getting bigger and stronger everyday.